of new project
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please read on...
i miss you so much sometimes - i find it difficult to express how badly i've wanted to talk with you the past couple of months - over our usual bubbles and brownies. i have so much that i am feeling right now... so much to say... and the only way i seem to be able to access my words is to start with a letter to you.
i can't tell you where or who... but i can say that i personally know of over 10 youth who attempted to end their lives over the past 2 months. we used to be able to talk about these things ed. how we related, understood - and most importantly how we hoped that our students (and ourselves) could ride the waves again and come out on the other side of it one more time. because, we knew from our own experiences, that even though these times did come for us - and would likely come again - that it was worth it to stick around to see what we would find when we were able to raise our heads and find our breath again. beautiful opportunities were waiting for us even if we couldn't see them... and it was okay to be/feel : dramatic, sad, tortured, joyful, grateful, pissed... and that none of it had to take away from our desire, or lack there of, to be in our lives and further, that it was more important for all of us to experience our moments - both graceful and awkward - as we approached our futures.
what i am having some difficulty with right now is, why often when one "cries for help" , it seems to inspire annoyance, intolerance, and an automatic shunning from our families and community. that the people we are often looking to for support enter a sort of emotional withholding pattern.
when in our lives did we stop answering these cries for help? when did this response become standard, acceptable, and somehow justified?
i remember back to when i first sensed this abandon for myself - i was so young - kicking and screaming for people to help me and see me. i remember that very few people actually stepped up and i am reminded yet again of how lucky i am to have survived such emotional recklessness.
ed, while i forgive, remember, and celebrate you - i am also deeply conflicted by the loss of you. as i approach the 5 year anniversary of your death i find myself confronted by my anger and a deep deep sadness. we had a deal ed - and while i understand - it is such a shame ed... simple.
in my life and work i am often asked... so, what do you do now? how did you make the changes necessary to repair the wounds you have received and inflicted? where/how do you find that level of forgiveness? i am reminded of a very simple quote and idea... "be the change you wish to see in the world" (mahatma gandhi) and continually remind yourself again and again to be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle. sound easy? it's not. not always anyway.
5 years ago - much in response to your suicide, i launched the Sent(a)Mental Project - A Memorial to LGBTIQA Suicides - and over the years in addition to that projects growth - Sent(a)Mental Studios has expanded to include the open studio based Sent(a)Mental - Youth Project, the Lead With Your Heart Collection and more. thousands of youth have worked with the studio through open studio hours, off site groups - and a variety of schools, conferences, and alternative outreach programming... and so to mark the official 5 year anniversary i would like to announce the next project to come from Sent(a)Mental Studios ....
... stay tuned.
Announcement and Call for Submission -
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much love to you ed.
i miss you everyday.
sent(a)mental studios is being used more than ever... now with 2 locations and even more youth accessing the studios... we really need your support.
won't you please help fill the studios with the supplies it needs?
please make a donation today !!!
mail check or money order to -
PO Box 2537
denver, co 80201
or donate via paypal -
direct to studio using
thank you in advance!